Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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