If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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