So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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