Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
please come you make the beer taste better
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
