I wish I could teleport
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
