I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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