I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
