even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
