also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
