I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
