Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
