he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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