He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
