I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
