My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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