i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
