im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
