My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
