Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
