help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
