Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
