Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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