Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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