Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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