We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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