I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
