We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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