I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
