everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
