so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
