wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
