so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
