I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
