apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
