you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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