You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
