Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
