I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
