why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
