At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
