Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
