Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
