Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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