could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
birth control should be required to get into college
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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