dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
