and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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