Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
