STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
