I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
