and you said cock pushups were impossible
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Randomize
