omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
